The IPL III has begun and one has been a silent watcher of the same over the past 3 days. Many an enthusiast has written previews and reviews of the games played till now and one believes that they are doing a far better job of it than what self could ever manage. Hence the first post on IPL 2010 on this blog is going to be about the bells and whistles of the package.
The IPL has been derided by many a knowledgeable people to consist of more entertainment than cricket. In the local lingo we call it ‘char anyachi kombdi aani ek rupayacha masala’ (25 cents worth of chicken cooked in one dollar’s worth of spices). Who is one to disagree with the majority of the right thinking purists? One is either with them or against them. Has this been said somewhere before? Naah! Never!
The telecast of a typical IPL match starts with Extraa Innings, which is supposedly an analysis of the upcoming game. The title itself is an oxymoron. If SETMAX really wants to show us an Extraa Innings, shouldn’t it be after the two normal innings are done and dusted with. The supposed explanation is that most of the anchors and experts are ‘extras’ in the movie where the main actors are the players. It doesn’t wash with us purists. How many times has the world scene an ‘extra’ like a Navjot Sidhu wearing a flower pot as a jacket, mouth Shakespeare, Ghalib and his home made Sidhuisms? Never is the answer that springs to one’s mind.
Then there is our dear Arun Lal who talks like a dewd. It has been heard that Abhay Deol has nightmares about a remake of his movie Dev D. There the protagonist drinks like a Whale, smokes like a chimney and even goes high on drugs. Dew D is only a documentary on how and when dew falls and how much a matter of life and death it is to the protagonist. It’s actually a matter of life for Arun, a matter of death by boredom to the viewer.
Moving on, the other 20 some things standing at the ground trying to sound peppy and knowledgeable at the same time, discuss with Sunny ‘bhai’, the most obvious aspects of the game. Gaurav Kapur was a good VJ but as one of the CJ (Cricket Jockey) he pokes fun at himself, completely unknowingly, pleasing all those poor souls who had suffered from his jibes.
It seems Angad Bedi doesn’t regret his decision to choose acting over cricket. Well he may not. But one is very sure that most viewers do. If only he had chosen cricket, they would all be spared the ‘emotional atyachar’ they suffer. One hates to say it but even Mandira was better. What does Bishen have to say about his son’s acting skills is one really interesting story waiting to be told.
The viewer heaves a sigh of relief once the match is about to begin. Anything better than this mindless buffoonery, he thinks. But just like a Russian epic novel from early 20th century, depicting a Russian peasant’s sad life, their suffering has no end.
The viewer now gets bombarded by ads which plead with him to buy handphones manufactured by the Micromaxes, Videocons and Karbonns of the world. Akshay Kumar, it seems, earned crores to act like his normal self, i.e. a fully retarded smiling oaf. Abhishek B, gives a viewer many Ideas about places to put his fingers in and Imran Khan (the new age AK – read fully retarded non-smiling oaf) gulps Coke down his throat as if he is drinking poison.
In between all these acts, the viewer gets to watch SRK talking to Lara, Katrina Kaif watching the match with an intelligent(?) look on her face, Shilpa Shetty asking her hubby why is Yusuf walking to the dugout despite being at the end from where the thrower was throwing the ball and some such.
That ends a typical IPL game for a viewer. Where was the cricket? critics may ask. Well, why do you think Brian Lara was mentioned in the piece, dear critic?
This is how a piece written by Hideous Gaigh will look like.
Now let one start with one’s views on the IPL.
One was watching the finals of the T10 Gully cricket league played between Ludhiana and Jalandhar on the weekend. It says a lot about one’s love for ANY form of cricket but it says even more about one’s extremely interesting and busy social life. The only other person who can be a serious contender in the serial sociopath stakes is Jimmy Shergil. But then one got to know that Jimmy boy actually owns the Ludhiana team and hence he was seen cheering for his team at the stadium.
One was even more surprised to learn that Divya Dutta owns the Jalandhar Gully and other illustrious team owners include Sanjay Dutt and Rajpal Yadav and Prachi Desai. To people unfamiliar with Bollywood, two of them are character actors, one is a has-been actor and one is a wannabe actor. Sanjay Dutt is classified as one of the character actors by the way.
The tournament which has the tag line - ‘Ab har koi khelega’ (Now everyone can play) is the poor cousin (4th removed) of the IPL. To Jimmy and co., it meant ‘Ab har koi lega’ (Now everyone can buy). The entire idea of owning a T10 gully team appeals to one as it touches a chord deep inside. It brings back memories of all those fake Reebok/Nike T-shirts bought from fashion-street as a teen, all those Van Gogh/ Rothko prints bought from MoMA to be displayed proudly on the walls, all those stickers proudly claiming ‘My other car is a Mercedes’.
The icing on the cake was Charu Sharma who, like God, was seen and heard everywhere in the telecast. Every player had channel 9 style video that introduced them to the viewers. Now each player was asked to state his name, address, sexual preferences (just joking) and his dream. Every player, without any exception, said that his goal was to play for the country.
One fully respects the sentiments of the young players wishing to represent their country but even a glimpse of reality tells us that they are being overly optimistic. So many cricketers have failed to clear the hurdle between a Ranji career and a national cap. And these guys are nowhere close to being decentish Ranji players.
But then one has to keep in mind that Indians are an ever optimistic lot. They never give up hope. There’s always a silver lining to the darkest of clouds. Even when years of reality check has taught them that the Indian national hockey team will falter, they will still hope for the best. Even though all history, data and trends are pointing to the contrary, Indians will still believe in a miracle. If black swans as a species existed in India, they would have fat tails.
One look at the various surveys on various nations’ optimism levels invariably brings forth the name of India.
Why do Indians always think so positively? They have such miracles happening around them where people have risen up from the ashes. Every Indian today, looks up with awe at Rahul Mahajan, a spoilt brat of an influential politician, confirmed dopester, alleged wife beater and finally a divorcee. This lovable character actually ended up as the protagonist in an inane TV show called ‘Rahul Dulhaniya le jayega’ (Rahul will sweep his bride off her feet). He was wooed by a bevy of young nubile girls and finally ended up marrying a model on national television. This tumultuous event coincided with the T10 Gully cricket tournament finals.Obviously the young players from both teams take heart from his life story.
The IPL auction for adding two new franchise teams was also slated on the same day and there was no dearth of optimism on the part of the organizers on that front either. A minimum bid price of USD 225MM, net worth condition of USD 1 bio and a bank guarantee of USD 100MM were though to be measures to sift through frivolous bids. After getting only 3 confirmed bids, the organizers decided to postpone the bidding process by another week or two. One can foresee a string of court cases if the consortium led by Mr Dhoot gets out-bid in the final outcome.
Actually one had almost given up the hope of being an IPL owner in despair as one couldn’t find a bank open on a Sunday to get that bank guarantee in time. The other 2 stipulations would be a walk in the park. But now that the bid is postponed, one plans to bid for Nagpur, come March 21st. Any thoughts on who should be the Nagpur captain?
The best suggestion will get the honour of blogging for the team, all expenses paid (by the winner)
You are extremely right Michael. ummm.. Or is it supposed to be extreme right? For the minority of the readers of this blog, which doesn't understand German, My struggles is translated from the German Mein Kampf.
After his stupendous double ton against the Saffers many politicians including the CM and the deputy CM of Maharashtra have stated that they will recommend Sachin Tendulkar’s name for the highest Indian civilian award – Bharat Ratna, for the champion. Former cricketers like Kapil, Wadekar and Vengasarkar have also supported this wish. The award has never been awarded to a sportsperson and a majority of the 41 awardees have a political background.
It is high time that the Bharat Ratna be given to an elite sportsperson who has brought glory to the country and on one will be the first to applaud if Sachin is conferred this highest praise. The one similarity between SRT and Sir Don that one agrees with is the way they influenced a whole generation of their respective countries. All the other claims of his being better than the Don, one feels, can be attributed to people getting carried away. There have always been debates about comparisons between players from different generations and one doesn’t want to get into them but if we have a divided opinion about the best player of this generation, is there any point in comparing two players who played almost 50 years apart?
But one is digressing from the focus of this post. Does Sachin deserve the Bharat Ratna? One would agree wholeheartedly. It’s not to be given only for the runs scored or the number of matches won by him. There are perennial doubters who will never be satisfied. It is, more importantly, based on the positive impact this man had and is still having on generations of Indians. Is the timing right? One would think in the negative. Is he the only sportsperson to deserve the award? One would take some time to figure that one out. Two outstanding sports persons who come to mind immediately are Vishy Anand and Leander Paes. Past greats like Dhyan Chand, PT Usha, Prakash Padukone (his contribution to Indian Badminton, both as a player and as a coach, has been immense) can also be considered.
More than the question of which sports person may deserve the honour, the timing of the award to Sachin is a bit premature. Everyone is currently on this 'Sachin is the greatest' bandwagon and may even push for a Nobel Peace prize . But we have to remember that public memory is extremely short, that sports performances can vary with form and especially in India that one is as good as one’s latest innings/performance. The Indian Hockey team will realise it tomorrow when the same people who were showering them with cash awards and praises will mark them out for derision and contempt. If, god forbid, Tendulkar loses his form and goes through a lean patch the same people hailing him will advise him to retire, talk of elephants in the room and generally talk rubbish. Tendulkar has already witnessed this once in his career and he fully understands the fickleness of this adulation and reverence.
Let us continue to watch and enjoy this stupendous journey of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar rather than rushing on the ground halfway through his innings and disturbing his concentration. Let him complete his innings and walk back to the pavilion. The MoM award can always be given then.
PS – The ST logo on the Adidas cap he is wearing is stylish and contemporary. Adidas trying to recreate Nike's RF logo by any chance? We have always fondly known and called the man SRT. Dropping Ramesh is just not on. Take note Adidas.
Tim Might enters the room singing 'The Internationale' in the capitalist vulture’s (CV) room. His smile is beaming, his eyes are smiling and he walks with a spring in his steps. After years of pushing hard, being the dog in the manger and by creating nuisance where there should have been even more nuisance, he has finally got the CV where he wants - A meeting. Tim was finally showing his ‘might’. He already was visualising headlines screaming – ‘Might is Right’, ‘What might have been is happening now’ and so on and so forth.
For years the CVs have ignored his union and instead directly talked with the members. He has received calls from a few high profile bankers interested in understanding the process of making a trade union of high earning professionals. He has agreed to conduct a few workshops to give them some tips on how to claim that they need a collective body to protect their interests, in spite of them earning millions. He has agreed to do it for free but in return he wants them to promise that they will not strike any of his brethrens (Remember C'Paul putting all his hard earned money with Stanford?).
He had tried so many tricks to get the lost souls of his brethrens from the sub continent in his fold. He had tried cajoling them. He had personally tried to attack the CVs to show his subcontinent counterparts that the CVs were not as powerful as they thought. He had talked of burn out fears, for his members when representing their nations. When THE CV had stood by its players in their fight against WADA testing procedures, he had belatedly tried to protect his members’ interests by whining. As a last resort he had tried the famous Freddie Jesus pose but to no avail.
He smiles to himself content with what the future holds for him. But then with a shake of his head he tries to regain his focus. His lack of focus had prevented his career as a cricketer from taking off. He could not and would not allow it to impact his future as a Union leader.
He enters the room thinking of what his strategy will be. Should he be belligerent from the start or should he behave like a moderate. What should he do if the lord of CVs accepted all his conditions? Should he do the hoola hoops dance or should he do his famous ‘play the banjo’ routine? What if the CVs actually ask him to come on board as a representative of the players? He would look at them serenely and refuse the offer. That would really make him the messiah. He cares two hoots for the ‘messiah’ title. He has had many unspeakable orgies (in his dreams of course) thinking of this possibility and still hasn’t decided on the least obscene celebrations in the meeting room.
“Hey mate, wassup?”
“Good morning Mr Might? How are we this morning?” enquired the LCV (Lord of CVs and not Light Commercial Vehicle)
“I am doing fine but we at FICA are extremely concerned about …”
“Before you start voicing your concerns, and I am sure you have many, I wanted to ask you a question.”
“Shoot, mate! Sorry, think it’s a bit sensitive to say shoot in the current circumstances.” It was one of his better ones but LCV remained unmoved.
“What is the angle between the hour hand and the minute hand of an analog clock when the time is 6:15?”
“Huh? You are joking right?”
“Mr. Might, I am perfectly serious when I ask you this question.”
Tim was flabbergasted. His parents had always given him a digital watch since he was pretty bad at telling time on a conventional watch. He had heard of angles only in his committee discussions. As in “if you look at it from this angle...” He was in a fix now. He asked himself to be excused and called his most intelligent mate on his island (who worked as a taxi driver and was recuperating from a knife attack in a Melbourne hospital). In that weakened state his mate came up with a 90 degrees solution.
“Mr. Modified, I dunno why you are asking me such unrelated queries, but the answer to your question is 90 degrees.”
“Well, the answer is wrong, Mr Might. Even I am not sure about the correct answer myself but my cook said to me that anyone answering 90 was wrong.”
“Now that we have wasted time on such silly puzzle, can we move ahead?”
"Wait a minute Mr. Might. I will ask you a simpler question. I hope you do know your English alphabet. What are the English alphabets corresponding to 6:15? Solve that and you will get our message”
Tim was getting impatient with all this dilly dallying by the LCV. But he tried none the less. This was a simpler one. “It’s F…ummmmm… and it’s an O. So it's FO. Hey!” he looked up in consternation.
He found the room empty.
This match was supposed to be a TIE. It was supposed to be BCCI's gift to the ICC for saving ODI cricket (at present ODIs are on the ventillator breathing its last). What better than getting a tie, which would have let the commentators make full use of the superlatives in their vocabulary. L Siva called it a terrific game of cricket. He used a couple of other pretty insipid words but one can blame it on his challenged vocabulary than his intentions. Here was a perfect case of the phrase, 'the mind is willing but the brain is weak'.
A last ball finish with a one run difference is good but not good enough, one feels. And all this can be blamed on MSD. Why in the world did he want to whip the bails off before Parnell had reached the crease? Sreesanth had tried his best by aiming his throw to the cover fielder. Sree's only fault was that given his throwing ability, he had overestimated the throw's accuracy. It ended up falling only a few feet away from MSD. Earlier Sree had even got Kallis out that paved the way for Dale Steyn to show his fire power.
But why applaud only Sreesanth? Almost everyone else had contributed in making the game exciting. The SA wanted to prove that they could come back from the grave. So they promptly went ahead and dug one for themselves. The Indians wanted to show that it was no fluke that they were ranked higher than SA. They could do one better. So they, in turn, pulled out SA from the grave and jumped in instead; only to see MSD spoil the show.
It was a typical Indian performance. MSD continued with Raina when Steyn came in to bat. Then he wouldn't use Praveen Kumar as that would take the fun element out of the match. Nehra and Sree fully justified his confidence in them. So to put it succintly, MSD had done no wrong till then. But he crumbled under pressure at the finish. A pity really!
The only 2 players on the field who seemed to want to win the match (for their own team, to clarify matters) seemed to be Ravindra Jadeja and Abhishek Nayar. For Jadeja a win, largely due to his bowling efforts, would tantamount to showing the proverbial middle finger to the RR team management. For Abhishek Nayar, there was no visible reason since the poor chap will not find a place in the next 14 member squad. He doesn't play for TN nor does he play for CSK. The only explanation is that no body has informed him about these golden rules for selection.
Only a tie would make the match comparable to the artificial viagra induced climaxes that saw England save Test Match cricket in South Africa. Experts could say that the ODI format is alive and kicking. A tie would also mean a heightened probability of a 1-1 tie in the 3 match series. That would be repaying the obligation of letting us play the IPL in SA to the Saffers. There was so much at stake.
If any TV channel is looking for a 'match ka mujrim' today, they don't need to go any further than the Indian captain.
It wasn’t a fight between good and evil.
It was only a fight for the top.
No body in today’s world knows the difference, either between the top or between the good and the evil. If they did, it would be a different world. There would be no terrorists, nor would it be a nation of resurgent Maosits.
It was a fight between two proud cricketing nations who wouldn’t budge an inch. An inch seemed a lot to both of them.
Bharti was never allowed to acquire an MTN in SA. Maybe this was completely irrelevant. But SA v/s India has always had the prickly feeling.
They both wanted to be on the top of the world. They both wanted to show that they were not chokers. One of them had already been there; the other had tasted blood for only a few days.
It wasn’t the classic Champion v/s the Pretender. It was between two pretenders who wanted to be #1.
South Africa had tasted first blood at Nagpur. They had annihilated India there and they only had to draw at Kolkata to become the top ranked Test team in the world. India had drawn first blood as well, the last time they played in SA, but failed miserably later in the next 2. The favour was returned by the Indians, though in a small measure.
It was a battle of aggression and defence. Amla tried being positive in the first innings. But as soon as he got out; the remaining batting became a joke.
When Sehwag came out to bat, everyone had said that it would be difficult for the Indians to surmount the SA score. They DID. By some 340+ odd runs.
What Sehwag did, was to fire the belief in the Indian batting that they could bat on this track. And with all the rains, his batting really set it up for the host nation.
Else, we would be looking at a boring draw.
Amla tried to draw the test India with his resolute batting along with his tail-end partners. It was an anti-matter batting where the entire focus was to stay at the crease.
Sehwag was the ‘matter’ in the match.
But the question is that could Amla or one of his partners like Parnell, have scored more? With so many Indian fielders closing in, was it really that difficult to score runs?
If SA had scored another 50 runs in the same time, we would have a draw on our hands.
They never did. It was all an exercise in staying alive for some 7 odd hours. Amla did, after scoring 2 centuries in the innings to become our MOM. But his team didn't.
Do we give any credit to somebody making a wining move?
Or is it all about the defence?
The answer is yours…
One hears that Sahara Star has a special offer for couples on this Valentine day. St. Valentine’s day in India, like other foreign festivities, is indigenised and assimilated in the Indian mainstream. The typical Indian additions to the celebration of love consist of attacks on shops selling greetings, physical assaults on couples, pink chaddi campaigns and some times even retaliatory use of black paint.
India adds a riot of colours to everything it touches. Sometimes the colours stay forever etched in memory but it’s the riots that normally get more media attention.
Going back to the Sahara Star offer, it seems couples can enjoy a cosy dinner on this Feb 14th for a paltry sum of INR 100,000 (USD 2250), that’s something that most of us consider a slightly expensive proposition. Some Hockey India players earn this kind of money in a year, some kabaddi players earn it in a decade, some Indian shooters spend it in a month (on their personal a/c) and a few Cricketers earn it in a day at the IPL. But Life is like that!
So who are the Valentine day lovers who will surely abstain themselves from spending their 100k this year and maybe less than that.
- Serena Williams spending her Valentine day with the lines woman at the US Open (Serena already spent a lot of money on her)
- Mohd. Younis spending his V- Day with Shoaib Malik. Afridi says there is nothing wrong with V-Day as everyone celebrates it and has decided to join in. He is not allowed in the hotel as he is under age. He then goes ahead and says that he never wanted to celebrate V-Day any way. It was all an Indian plot. He is supposed to be reconsidering his statements now.
- SRT singing along ‘Ye dosti, hum nahi todenge’ with Vinod Kambli.
- Arsene Wenger sending a card to Drogba. Drogba falls down on receiving it, claiming a foul.
- Indian hockey chief coach, Brasa wants Prabhjoth to captain the Indian hockey team, the other coach wants Rajpal; I want Jitender as captain (who’s Jitender btw?); Jitender wants Dharmender as captain; Dharmender wants SRK as captain and SRK says its sad that the Pak players can’t play for the Indian team. In the end all of us plan to watch ‘My name is Kan’t' on V-Day
- Shaqib sending his love to Viru.
- Lalit Modi sending his love letters to the ECB, state of Andhra Pradesh, nation of Pakistan, state of Rajasthan, state of Arunachal Pradesh.. what the heck!, basically everyone under the sun including his wife and kids.
- Sharad Pawar frolicking with the common consumer with a sugar less cup of tea (good for the heart, brain, blood sugar and the wallet).
Happy Valentine's day everyone. For the non-believers hope you enjoyed Maha shivaratri
One of the foremost Marathi writers, Pu La Deshpande is an all time favourite and one came across this piece which he had presented on AIR (All India Radio). He was a writer, actor, musician and a mathcless performer. Basically someone like a Sobers of the Marathi stage. The speech does involve cricket and in the current MNS/ Shiv Sena campaign of 'Mumbai for Maharshtrians', this piece becomes quite relevant as well. One point to note - it was written some 30 years back so some content may be dated. Enjoy!
"You Maharashtrians are so quarrelsome!" a non-Maharshtrian friend of mine said to me when I had just finished a conversation on the telephone.
"What makes you think so?"
"Now look here, I have been listening to you for the last fifteen minutes. I do not understand your language but can't you people be a little more polite?"
"But I was polite!"
"Please don't tell me that." He threw up his hands in utter despair.
But I wasn't telling him that. I was complimenting an actor friend of mine on his excellent performance on stage.
"Is that how you compliment a person in Marathi?"
How else does one compliment? I was telling him that he is one of the most sensitive actors on the modern Marathi stage.
"Say that to me in your language again."
I repeated the performance of giving compliments in Marathi. My friend sat with his eyes closed, as if he was listening to some stormy musical piece. "Fantastic!" he said. "If this is how you sound when you give compliments, would you kindly give me a demonstration of a good healthy quarrel?"
I obliged him with one.
"Hardly any difference between the two!"
With due deference to my friend's ignorance of my language, which incidently is described by one of our Marathi saints as one 'that wouldput the divine nectar to shame in its sweetness', I am prepared to concede that we Maharashtrians stand firm on our vocal chords. This vibrant pedestal has its advantages and disadvantages. Our tremendous love for the theatre and classical music has its roots in our strong language. We shout when we should whisper and grunt when we should shut up. Marathi when spoken softly sounds fake, unnatural and even hypocritical. The only way to silence us is to allow us to talk till we are left alone. We are quickest not on our toes but on our tongues. There is a saying in Marathi- paradoxical enough for the genius of the language and its users - that a thundering cloud never bursts. We Maharashtrians have thundered and have burst also!
Cold calculation is something alien to the Marathi nature and spirit. Our reactions to anything that happens around us are quick and vocal. We are a rather impatient race.
History fascinates us more than the present. The present always bores us. We either look forward or backwards but rarely around! We are in a great hurry to convert the present into the past and start loving it.
Strangely enough, there is something very common between the Marathas and the British. Like the Britishers we are also a bundle of contradictions. Love for the past is a common trait. As a race we are conservative but we have a curious admiration for the non-conformist. Maharashtra was once described as a beehive of social, political and educational reformers. A very apt description! A beehive indeed with both the honey and the sting!
Coming back to the comparison with the British I could make another point. Our love for the theatre. Like the English theatre we too have our old quiet dramatists and the new angry men thriving side by side. The old hero has to sing atleast fifty songs to convince his beloved of his bonafides. The modern one has no such pretensions. He hates music like he hates one of his future in-laws. But we Maharashtrians bless both of them. We love the first one for his strongmusical voice and the other one for his strong hatred of music. Theatre forms part of our life. Send two Maharashtrians to the North Pole and they will start a Marathi Dramatic Society, which after the first performance will dwindle into two! America boasts of having one car per four persons. We maharashtrians could say the same thingabout dramatic societies. A Marathi town can easily dispense with a dispensary but not a dramatic society.
Like the English we love cricket. An average Marathi child played with a sword in the good old days of Shivaji, when diplomatic relations were established by sharper methods. The British offered the cricket bat as an alternative. We Maharashtrians gripped the new weapon with the same historical enthusiasm. Football did not interest us so much as cricket. Kicking is not a martial pastime - we prefer a hit and a throw. Even here losing non-Maharashtrians must have noticed that many a wicket has fallen through a strong Marathi appeal from the wicket-keeper's end than the google wiles of the bowler. A full throated appeal from eleven Marathi voices for an lbw has sent quite a number of umpires' fingers in the air through the sheer vocal impact.
That is why even music when it springs from a full-throated Marathi singer or a songster, doesnot give up its martial trait! Unless a 'baithak' or a concert ends with a free style fight with the tabla pounder, it fails to please the discerning Marathi ear. Softer forms of art like the delicate Manipuri dance where the dancers quiver like a bunch of gladioluses, has hardly any effect on us. The aggressive Kathak attracts us more. However we have left the more aggressive Kathakali to our southern neighbours. It is not that the aggressiveness frightens us. Perhaps the expensive costumes have made us write off this fantastic dance from our minds. It may also be true that classical music fascinates us more because it cuts down unnecessary expense on the orchestra. One tanpura and tabla with one good voice can do the trick.
We are, as everyone in this country knows, a poor people. Our soil has given birth to a number of patriots, warriors, musicians and even poets - some evn of an exceptionally softer variety. A half-straved Marathi economistworrying about the national food problem is not an uncommon sight in Poona or Bombay. A Sanskrit pandit forgetting his meal over a grammatical error in Kalidas can still be seen burning the midnight oil. The Marathi soil has retained such pre-historic qualities, I wish, however that the soil had restricted itself to giving a little more grain which is its primary function. Our mouths give out much more than what they can take in.
In the field of business, we have satisfied ourselves by remaining retail purchasers rather than wholesale dealers. A Marathi shopkeeper is a pathetic sight. A Marathi contractor is looked down upon as someone who through his sheer inability to sing, act or deliver a speech is following the humble profession of making money. He builds houses to make us live in them. And we Maharashtrians live in them disagreeing most of the time with almost everyone worth disagreeing with and making use of that wonderful gift of nature - our vocal chords.
But come to think of it, what better gift could nature give us in these days of democracy, after our swords were sheathed? From ancient Wars of the Roses we have come to the wars of the phrases and my Marathi language has many such phrases to put enough warmth into modern cold wars.
From the self appointed keepers of Marathi pride we come across the keepers of Telugu pride. By asking the Deccan Chargers to boycott IPL because they moved the opening ceremony from Hyderabad to Mumbai, the state's sports minister has scaled new peaks. Sports and politics do literally mix in this country and the mixture is extremely potent and hazardous.
It started out as a race for number one
two days of boredom two days of fun
but by the time the curtain came down
all the Indians could manage was a frown
as the Saffers reverse swung into action
One has just started reading 'The Picador Book of Cricket', edited by Ramchandra Guha and more on the book later. But it recounts an extremely funny incident/ anecdote that one has no choice but to narrate it.
The little Pakistani's (Hanif Mohammad's) classical technique and monumental patience are analyased in this essay by Ray Robinson. Note that it was published before the most remarkable of all defensive innings, Hanif's 337 against the West Indies at Bridgetown in 1957-8. That knock was spread over 970 minutes of playing time. Watching Hanif bat from a palm tree high above square leg were a group of Bajan boys. As the afternoon sun rose higher, one of them could no longer stand it. Delirious from the heat , from Hanif's relentless thook thook and doubtless from a steady intake of palm wine, the boy fell off the tree and landed on his head some forty feet below. He was taken to hospital, recovering consciousness twenty-four hours later. Inevitably his first words were 'Is Hanif still batting?'' The answer, alas, was in the affirmative.
It rarely happens that one gets to hear/ read two really funny incidents in one day. But Wriddhiman Saha's inclusion in the Indian team for the 1st Test at Nagpur is extremely, if not equally funny. Rohit Sharma gets injured playing football, VVS was injured even before reaching Nagpur.So play five bowlers. That's against our fixed policy of playing with six batters so no can do. Can't take 3 seamers because both Tyagi and Mithun are too raw. Can't drop Bhajji because that sends out bad signals. So choose between Mishra and Ojha.
That completes the joke played on the poor Indian cricket fan.
Q - What's the name of the just announced movie that Shahid Bhai is starring in?
A - Mein Chew tkiya
Q - Why is Shahid Bhai signed as the brand ambassador for Singer?
A - Because he is the best chewing machine out there
Q - What do new age editors explain the concept of "news" to a greenhorn journalist?
A - SB biting a ball is not news.. Ball biting SB is news
Q - What will be the headlines of such "news"? (ball biting SB)
A - Reverse Ch(e)wing
Q - What message did Kookaburra send to the ICC?
A - SOB (Save Our Balls)
One wants to apologise to everyone in advance before being bombarded with angry rebuttals and hurt sentiments. No animals were hurt in the making of this piece. This work of f(r)iction bears extreme resemblance to some person/(s) alive and any similarities are intended.
Andy Murray’s campaign at the Australian Open coincided a lot with the absolutely brilliant 'Ishqiya' released at the same time. It started brilliantly, had some excellent performances, was great music to many a people’s ears (in Murray’s case mostly to the Brit years), had moments of genius but ended rather tamely with too many inconsistencies.
Ishqiya refused to be a tear jerker but was awash with histrionics. Murray’s campaign too was full of interesting comments, actions and media bytes. But at the end of it all he refused to cry. There was a dig in that refusal as well but that's Murray for you.The chase doesn’t stop at the end of the movie. For Murray’s campaign too, the chase of that elusive Grand Slam is still on.
Both Ishqiya and Murray are quality products. It’s just that the media overkill may get irritating for some.
The Pakistan cricket team’s campaign in Australia reminds one of ‘Veer’, doesn’t it? Both flopped miserably at the box office. At the end of the ODI series, their stand-in captain - Sahahid Afridi was reduced to chewing leather, an exercise undertaken by the 'Veer' viewer by its close.
It seems Shahid Afridi is banned for 2 games for that intelligent piece of chew-type action. Only if Veer were banned too!
There’s this extremely fast and furious (run up only) gentleman called Shahadat who has laid bare the Bangladesh strategy to take on India. The plan is simple, yet effective. They have discovered the weakness of every Indian batter and have stuck to the plan admirably. They also have planned various methods of tackling the Indian bowlers.
Let’s start with the Indian batters first –
Sehwag – Can’t handle the short ball well. Bowl short. Even the spinners have to bowl short to him. Don’t disclose his weakness to the media before the start of the series. Say this when you know that you are not going to bowl at him again for a year or so.
Gautam Gambhir – Can’t handle the short ball well. Bowl short.That will prevent him from getting 6 centuries in a row.
Rahul Dravid – Can’t handle the short ball well. Bowl a bouncer at him at your speed (70 mph) and he may duck into it too early.How this man scored 10k + runs is beyond belief. Other teams failed miserably in noticing this *** in the armour.
Sachin Tendulkar – Bounce him out.
Yuvraj Singh – UV hates chin music. But this plan can be put into action only if he comes out to bat.
Murali Vijay – Haven’t seen him bat yet but why don’t we try the short ball to him?
MS Dhoni – Achettup*
Bhajji, Zak, Ishant, Ojha, - Hail Achettup*
For the Bangla batters there’s another highly effective plan.
If they bowl full, hit them for a six.
If they bowl short, pull/hook/cut them for a six. Only weaklings like those sissy Indians leave the short ball. The ball going to the wicket keeper’s gloves should be taken as a personal affront and for every ball left the batter has to pay 10 takas to the team kitty.
One four/ six per over is the required minimum to qualify as a good batter.
This is what Shahadat had to say about the Dravid injury -
Shahadat, who had hit Ricky Ponting on the helmet at Fatullah in April 2006, said Monday's incident was a greater achievement. “Against Ponting, it was with an old ball. It was a new ball today. Even then, it feels good to hit someone like Dravid, who was batting past 100,” he said.
“We had a plan to bowl short, particularly to Sehwag and Dravid, because Indians do not play bouncers very well. We have seen they keep leaving short balls. We did that and almost got them. It was a pity that Dravid's was a no ball,” Shahadat said.
It is a real pity that Shahadat and his other compatriots can unfold dread and terror in the Indian batters’ mind only for one.something innings in this Test. It's a pity that all those wild and over the top jubilations after every Indian wicket may be seen no more in this test series.
* - short of a length for those non believers who don't read serious cricket blogs.
Fernando Gonzalez was playing some incredible Tennis at the Rod Laver Arena. Some amazingly accurate forehand winners, some wonderful single handed back hand down the lines and suddenly he was leading 2 sets to 1 against Andy Roddick. It was an intense match with some high quality Tennis on display. Roddick had never reached the finals of the Australia Open, Gonzalez had tasted a defeat at the final hurdle once at the hands of the Master. Both players had everything to play for and they hadn’t disappointed.
The fourth set was a tense affair with both players trading body blow after body blow. Gonzalez had seen off 4 set points in the 10th game on his own serve with a mixture of some audacious shot making and some crucial unforced errors by Roddick. It seemed that Roddick had failed to seize his opportunity and that Gonzalez would prevail in the tie break.
“I am not going anywhere!” Roddick shouted to himself. His goal was clear and simple. He was going to hang on and make it as difficult as possible for Gonzalez to reach the next round. The only way to counter Gonzalez's inspired game was to be tenacious.He would wait for that small 'moment of weakness' in the Gonzalez game to show and then he would pounce.
And then it happened. Serving at 40-0 down 5-6, Gonzalez some how lost it. And in the matter of minutes he was staring at a set point against him.
Roddick’s forehand cross court was called out and Gonzalez gave up the chase. When Roddick called for a review; the ball was found to be brushing the side line. The chair umpire awarded the point to Roddick and Gonzalez’s plea to replay the point fell on deaf ears.
That most overused word ‘momentum’ saw a clear shift. It was almost like one could see ‘momentum’ get up from near the net and walk over to Roddick’s side. Gonzalez was never the same again and it was all over very quickly.
Was the chair umpire right in awarding the point to Roddick instead of calling for the point to be replayed? One thinks not. At the end of the day technology can help immensely but it’s the human being who has to take the correct decision.
The unbreakable bond between UDRS and Daryl Harper springs to one’s mind.
So many sporting moments have been decided on human errors. And even in this world of hi tech tools, they are still being decided by the human factor.
“Guns don’t kill people, people do”
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